Update: Couple of people have asked me if you need accounts to comment and the answer is you don't. Just pop in your name and you're good to go!

Hello everyone, bored on a Saturday afternoon and I decided to write a blog post about the topic of chicks. Before we get into this, I know how we always make fun of chicks that make a fuss about breaking their nails but I broke a nail for the first time in my life today playing some Michael Hedges on my guitar and it fucking hurt. Like the damn thing just cracked open and blood started coming out. So now I'm confused because I'm not a pussy about these things but this one seriously hurt. To anyone who's ever broken a nail did it hurt as bad as mine?

Alright now that that's out of the way, let's get into it! Today's topic is 5 things guys hate/don't care about in a chick. I feel obliged to talk about this because I see many poor chicks spending hours getting ready, looking good, when really they're not.

Number 1- Earrings
Earrings. A little stud is fine, but anything more is either wasted efforts or unattractive. Seriously, I've seen countless chicks wear those fucking hoop earrings and I always ask them why they wear it, and they always reply "it's pretty". It's really not, well, might be pretty to you, but it's not pretty to the sex that you're trying to attract.

Seriously? Who was the genius who decided it would be a good idea to wear bracelets on their ears? I mean, this is TRIBAL ORNAMENTATION. We're not South African Bushmen hunter-gatherers trying to find a mate after a long day hunting fucking ANTELOPES, we're human beings in the 21st fucking century. You can't go wrong with a stud, it looks great and plus, another thing, it doesn't make any noise.

The moment your earring starts clinging and clanging like your mother rustling up kitchen utensils at dinner time, it's time to tone down on the TRIBAL ORNAMENTATION. It's embarrassing to walk into a restaurant with a date that has so many piece of shit hanging earrings that the clatter of it all turns every head in the restaurant when you're walking down the aisle. Seriously, when did it become socially acceptable to start hanging fucking bracelets off your ear? On that note, you may as well hang a miniature shoe or a fucking bra on your ears too. Fuck hoops. Any earring that is big enough for me to stick my cock through (cue small cock asian joke) is a no-go for me. In conclusion, don't burn precious calories, money and time stressing over giant earrings, a simple stud is bold and beautiful.

Number 2 - Short Hair
When was a good good idea for short hair on a chick? Seriously. I love long flowing locks of hair not a grizzled fucking pube patch on my girlfriend's head. No one looks good in short hair, and by short hair, I mean hair as short as the hair pictured on the left. I don't care what race you are, what weight you are or the size of rack, you don't fucking look good in that hair. No chick does.

I was talking about this to a couple of my chick friends and I concluded the only reason chicks tell each other to cut their hair really short is not because they would look "cute", they're secretly thinking "that's one less bitch I gotta compete with". It's so clever, cut the hair, cut the competition.

Seriously, no guy in the history of forever has ever looked at a chick and went "god, she would be so hot if only...she had hair like... DAVID fucking BECKHAM". So if you're a chick, and you're wondering if your hairstyle is too short and bordering onto lesbianism, look no further. I present to thee, VEERA:

Veera, dear, dear friend and proud flag-bearer of short hair for years is pretty much as short as it gets (in terms of height too, actually lolololol, oh I'm kidding!). Anything shorter than that, and you're a pair of hiking boots away from lesbianism. And don't worry, I'm not some creep that happens to have photos of chicks on my computer, I asked for her consent to be featured on my blog. So there you have it, the next time a chick tells you to get short hair, she has an ulterior fucking motive. Oh and Veera is a pretty good yardstick although if she's not careful she might plummet into dangerous territory too if it gets too short...

Number 3 - Make-up

Put on a little foundation, eyeliner, eye shadow or whatever the fuck chicks use, but don't fucking cake yourself. I love natural. I'm fine with make-up, and it does look nice on a chick as long as it looks natural. When you start looking like a fucking skittles packet, I'm not into you. I've seen countless chicks who cake their faces with make-up and it's not attractive.

You notice how when chicks always offer to do make-up on each other, it's always over done and looks like shit? Yeah, that's one less bitch she has to compete with. When a chick puts a lot of makeup on, their face looks powdered and artificial and shit.

Second thing, colors. Another thing that pisses me off. Once again, natural is key. I fucking hate all the weird colors on a face, I'm trying to date a woman not a fucking clown. The moment I can start using the colors on your face as a fucking pH color scale, is the moment you become unattractive to me and most guys. Seriously, all this time, effort and money spent on essentially looking like a fucking skittles advertisement? COME ON.

I know I said I was going to do five, but my constant digression makes it really time consuming so I'm going to stop here. If you like these kinds of posts and want me to type up the last two things that guys hate about chicks, let me know in the comments section! As usual, leave a loving comment, don't be afraid if you don't know me, I don't care, I still would love to hear your thoughts on this matter, especially chicks and gay guys. Agree or disagree, know me or don't, post a comment and show some love for this blog. A comment is one of the few ways I know people actually read my blog, so it's really nice when I get one 'cause then I know people actually read this stuff. Thanks for reading!
jknot you
11/18/2011 17:05:39

LOL totally not raoull nice blog

11/18/2011 17:07:36

I wear hoops all the time. are you calling me a bush woman....
what are 4 and 5..

11/18/2011 17:18:14

6 things of interest:

1. Agree. WTF are they trying to create a magnetic field?

2. Disagree. Short can be nice.

3. Agree.

ps. whos commenter 1?

pps. josiah can't count.

11/18/2011 19:00:20

You should do a post on your hair :)

11/18/2011 19:12:40

I've only got 1 thing of interest, unlike Raoul's multitude.

1. Agreed. I feel like studs or tiny earrings work so much better than giant hoops or earrings that look like they're holding some secret within their depths. To be honest, I feel like those heavy earrings look kind of painful, a bit like breaking your nail, which sounds pretty painful. I think the "guys making fun of girls fussing over their nails breaking" that you speak of is more about girls complaining that the end of their nails have chipped a bit, and are therefore no longer a perfect circle. In that case, guys might make fun of girls, as guys just don't seem to have the same sense of nail pride. Although if you think about it, a perfect nail does look so much better than one with chips, no?

2. I don't know if I can agree with you that every girl looks awful with short hair. I agree to some extent, but I'm not 100% sure. Not sure how to substantiate this point either, so I'll just leave it there :).

3. Agreed. Clowns scare me.

4. Raoul can't count either.

11/18/2011 20:32:29


what are 4 and 5?

A Bro
11/18/2011 22:56:33

LOL Girls don't do all that stuff to impress us, they do it to impress other girls. If they wanted to impress us, they'd just be naked.

11/19/2011 11:07:35

If you're talking about Veera length short hair then yes I agree. But look at the chick I posted, THAT's short hair. God, I can't stand that fucking pube-patch of a hairstyle.

A Bro: Pretty sure girls do their hair and make up to attract the opposite sex. Though with the Earrings I agree sometimes it's more to impress chicks.

Suvi: I'll write up 4 and 5 soon!

Thanks for reading and commenting guys, you guys are champs!

11/19/2011 23:30:30

I want to know what 4 and 5 are too.

I'm not a fan of hoop earrings, i think they have the tendency to make a girl look a little like a prostitute. No offense Caroline, you look great when you wear them (there goes my competition). Nah, but there are exceptions.

What about Emma Watson now that she has short hair? she doesn't look like a lesbian.

I agree with the make up one.

11/20/2011 06:55:58

Kim wore some proper hula hoops some months back. Hi Kim!

11/20/2011 12:14:18

But would you say Emma Watson doesn't look much worse than earlier when she had long hair?

Nice Blog!
11/20/2011 22:09:53

I agree with Rajit's point. Emma Watson looked so much better with long hair.

i dont really care about big earrings myself, but i really don't like it when girls put too much makeup on or cut their hair as short as the girl in the picture. Also, I don't know if you guys will agree with me, but I prefer women's nails to have their natural colour. Funny colours are OK, but crimson nails just make girls' hands look like an 80-year-old's.

No offense to those who do that though :P

P.S.: Love the blog Josiah! Please post the next 2 things haha

11/21/2011 18:21:23

What is your take on piercings?

And I agree with all three

hot girl
11/22/2011 18:28:32

the chic veera is hot. introduce me to her?

11/22/2011 21:08:36

Disagree with the hair post, but agree with the other two. I think bald/pixie cuts can be bold and it takes a certain lady to pull it off. I stopped wearing hoops and realized how ridiculous they looked along with the rest of my sister's wardrobe... and the tribal bushmen thing made me laugh. That's how I feel about people who wear plugs and shit. That ain't cute. And yeah I've never really exaggerated my makeup so I can relate to how annoying it looks when a girl does. Gross.~

1/22/2012 03:32:48

first of all, great blog josiah, however this is procrastinating me from doing my EE.

i completely disagree with your take on short hair. To me hair on girls is like makeup. it just adds to the 'beauty factor.' Any girl looks better with long, wavy and shiny hair but is this girl beautiful enough to still look good without hair? Women (who can pull it off) with short hair look elegant, feminine and beautiful. Take Mia Farrow (Rosemary's baby). When she had her long hair she looked like any other girl. However when she cut it short she looked striking, edgy and NOT like the average person. (http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_oUHTr7qNs90/TVKtGSnvdBI/AAAAAAAAAtw/AzqZcYaCowk/s640/Mia_Farrow+pixie+haircut.jpg)

Why would you want your girl to look like the average person?

(oh and I'm also posting this because I just cut my hair short and I am pretty much certain that i do not have a pube patch on my head... but I'll be sure to check again !!)

5/24/2012 17:26:13

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9/23/2012 12:09:24

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    My name is Josiah. I love cuddling, long walks on the beach, talking about feelings, America's Next Top Model and Tap-Dancing.


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