First off, want to thank you all for the views, I am close to 3000 views a month soon! Also, thanks for yoru input in the comments section of the blog, many insightful and hilarious things said by you readers. Lastly, sorry I haven't been doing my usually blog post every 3-4 days, it's been a crazy couple of weeks.
So, without further ado, let's dig in! Today, we are talking about Manboobs. Yes. Manboobs. We are going to talk about big, floppy man jugs. (and maybe a little about chick boobs). So, one might ask, why are we talking about man titties? It's because I am very angry at the society we have crafted. And also I'm gay. Quick sidebar here: I've been watching Modern Family and there's a gay couple Mitchell and Cameron. Mitchell is the more traditional husband, working and emotionally unavailable, while Cameron is as gay as you get with the floppy hands, pink shirts. Cameron is also pretty fat and has manboobs. This got me thinking...does the "man" in a gay couple find man boobs of his more "female" partner attractive? Are man boobs the chick boobs of Gays? Holy shit. Okay, moving on.
I can already hear the chicks of this blog going "eww". So, why am I angry at society? I am angry because the picture on the left is not considered adult fucking content. Why is it okay for overweight, self-loathing fat men to FLAUNT their flabby LUMPS of joy in public and on TV, but chicks have to cover up even the slightest cleavage?
Seriously, what the fuck. Chicks get told off in the work place for a little cleavage and this guy is out here with his lady lumps? Under every SAGGING man boob displayed in public is DELIGHTFUL moist, damp collection of sweat, dirt and mold. What is wrong with our society? The guy into the photo might be a loser, but I'll tell you who's the biggest loser is:
The manboob invasion is not just happening in public, but this it is happening in fucking television too. This man is form Survivor: Nicaragua. His name is Jimmy Johnson and I want to kill myself. Survivor is one of the best examples of the manboob invasion. I am a big fan of the show, and every season, there is some fat Jewish attorney or doctor with just a sac of sagging fat hanging down from his chest.
Why do we let this happen to us? Seriously. I was watching the same season, I think this is season 18, and one of the chicks was bending down a little too low and you could see some cleavage. That cleavage got censored down to oblivion faster than you can say "boner kill".
This glorification of man boobs has got to stop! The exaltation of manboobs on national television and the internet only encourages more guys to get fat. Do you know how many people watch TV? And how long? I used to watch 8 hours a day. Imagine the entire population of the United States of America exposed to flabby man juggs for 8 hours a day! The world is slowly being brainwashed into thinking Manboobs are okay!
They're fucking not. They're disgusting the more they get shown on television, the less taboo it will be. Those of you who read this who are parents, it's not the chick boobs you have to watch out for when watching TV with your kid, it's those huge, moist and sweaty man titties that will scar your children for life. Chick boobs are healthy, manboobs are not.
I can make a pretty fucking good argument that it is more emotionally scarring for the world to show man boobs than chick boobs. Which would you rather your 6 year old son see? Chick tits, which is something he's going to be feeling up come 16 years old, or the fat UDDERS of some out-of-shape attorney? Most people would say chick boobs, because they're normal.
All in all, I don't care if you're a dude or a chick, it's either you need a sports fucking bra or you don't. Stop being the narcissistic, lazy, man-boob-wielding assholes that you are and put on a fucking shirt. Thank you.
Once again, you don't need an account to comment, just pop in your name and send some lovin' my way, thanks for reading and tell me what you think in the comments section!
Update: Couple of people have asked me if you need accounts to comment and the answer is you don't. Just pop in your name and you're good to go!
Hello everyone, bored on a Saturday afternoon and I decided to write a blog post about the topic of chicks. Before we get into this, I know how we always make fun of chicks that make a fuss about breaking their nails but I broke a nail for the first time in my life today playing some Michael Hedges on my guitar and it fucking hurt. Like the damn thing just cracked open and blood started coming out. So now I'm confused because I'm not a pussy about these things but this one seriously hurt. To anyone who's ever broken a nail did it hurt as bad as mine?
Alright now that that's out of the way, let's get into it! Today's topic is 5 things guys hate/don't care about in a chick. I feel obliged to talk about this because I see many poor chicks spending hours getting ready, looking good, when really they're not.
Number 1- Earrings
Earrings. A little stud is fine, but anything more is either wasted efforts or unattractive. Seriously, I've seen countless chicks wear those fucking hoop earrings and I always ask them why they wear it, and they always reply "it's pretty". It's really not, well, might be pretty to you, but it's not pretty to the sex that you're trying to attract.
Seriously? Who was the genius who decided it would be a good idea to wear bracelets on their ears? I mean, this is TRIBAL ORNAMENTATION. We're not South African Bushmen hunter-gatherers trying to find a mate after a long day hunting fucking ANTELOPES, we're human beings in the 21st fucking century. You can't go wrong with a stud, it looks great and plus, another thing, it doesn't make any noise.
The moment your earring starts clinging and clanging like your mother rustling up kitchen utensils at dinner time, it's time to tone down on the TRIBAL ORNAMENTATION. It's embarrassing to walk into a restaurant with a date that has so many piece of shit hanging earrings that the clatter of it all turns every head in the restaurant when you're walking down the aisle. Seriously, when did it become socially acceptable to start hanging fucking bracelets off your ear? On that note, you may as well hang a miniature shoe or a fucking bra on your ears too. Fuck hoops. Any earring that is big enough for me to stick my cock through (cue small cock asian joke) is a no-go for me. In conclusion, don't burn precious calories, money and time stressing over giant earrings, a simple stud is bold and beautiful.
Number 2 - Short Hair
When was a good good idea for short hair on a chick? Seriously. I love long flowing locks of hair not a grizzled fucking pube patch on my girlfriend's head. No one looks good in short hair, and by short hair, I mean hair as short as the hair pictured on the left. I don't care what race you are, what weight you are or the size of rack, you don't fucking look good in that hair. No chick does.
I was talking about this to a couple of my chick friends and I concluded the only reason chicks tell each other to cut their hair really short is not because they would look "cute", they're secretly thinking "that's one less bitch I gotta compete with". It's so clever, cut the hair, cut the competition.
Seriously, no guy in the history of forever has ever looked at a chick and went "god, she would be so hot if only...she had hair like... DAVID fucking BECKHAM". So if you're a chick, and you're wondering if your hairstyle is too short and bordering onto lesbianism, look no further. I present to thee, VEERA:
Veera, dear, dear friend and proud flag-bearer of short hair for years is pretty much as short as it gets (in terms of height too, actually lolololol, oh I'm kidding!). Anything shorter than that, and you're a pair of hiking boots away from lesbianism. And don't worry, I'm not some creep that happens to have photos of chicks on my computer, I asked for her consent to be featured on my blog. So there you have it, the next time a chick tells you to get short hair, she has an ulterior fucking motive. Oh and Veera is a pretty good yardstick although if she's not careful she might plummet into dangerous territory too if it gets too short...
Number 3 - Make-up
Put on a little foundation, eyeliner, eye shadow or whatever the fuck chicks use, but don't fucking cake yourself. I love natural. I'm fine with make-up, and it does look nice on a chick as long as it looks natural. When you start looking like a fucking skittles packet, I'm not into you. I've seen countless chicks who cake their faces with make-up and it's not attractive.
You notice how when chicks always offer to do make-up on each other, it's always over done and looks like shit? Yeah, that's one less bitch she has to compete with. When a chick puts a lot of makeup on, their face looks powdered and artificial and shit.
Second thing, colors. Another thing that pisses me off. Once again, natural is key. I fucking hate all the weird colors on a face, I'm trying to date a woman not a fucking clown. The moment I can start using the colors on your face as a fucking pH color scale, is the moment you become unattractive to me and most guys. Seriously, all this time, effort and money spent on essentially looking like a fucking skittles advertisement? COME ON.
I know I said I was going to do five, but my constant digression makes it really time consuming so I'm going to stop here. If you like these kinds of posts and want me to type up the last two things that guys hate about chicks, let me know in the comments section! As usual, leave a loving comment, don't be afraid if you don't know me, I don't care, I still would love to hear your thoughts on this matter, especially chicks and gay guys. Agree or disagree, know me or don't, post a comment and show some love for this blog. A comment is one of the few ways I know people actually read my blog, so it's really nice when I get one 'cause then I know people actually read this stuff. Thanks for reading!
I got a fever today, so I'm hanging out at home, playing the blues you know. I was thinking...Idioms are great. I mean, they have an idiom for everything! A quick search on Idiomsite.com shows that there literally millions. For example:
1) Adding fuel to the fire
2) A taste of your own medicine
3) Killing two birds with one stone
4) Cut to the chase
So this blog post, will mark the invention of a NEW idiom, coined by yours truly.
So how does this relate? Well you need a little back story to start off with. So I was talking to my friend in the States and we were laughing about the time I ate every sample in Costco. I even tried a lime. Yes. You heard me right, a fucking LIME. I hate limes, but if something is free, my mind will actually do mental gymnastics to make myself believe that the lime is actually delicious. I fucking love samples. I LOVE THEM. I'm pretty sure if I ordered a steak and the waitress was like, "The steak comes with a free desert of DOG SHIT", I'll probably nod to her and say "Sounds good! Serve it last, I want to make room for the steak first".
Also, before I continue any further, this picture was the first thing that came up when I put a Google search in for "costco samples". I love the stereotypes of this picture! From the Asian dude gobbling up samples by the TRAY, right down to the two heavy-set Latin women working at a supermarket.
Okay, sorry, slight digression here. If you know me, you'll understand. I can't focus, I'm not very bright, can't really keep on task and I tend to repeat myself a lot, so bear with me and hopefully I'll grow on you! Grow on you like mold in an athlete's foot, that is. Ah fuck, I just did it again. Okay so, I was looking up idioms for the heck of it WHILE laughing with the chick about the costco incident and she asked me:
"Why'd you eat that fucking lime anyway, Josiah?"
"Well...I guess..I'm not sure. I guess I kind of just wanted to? It was just there so I ate it you know?.."
I struggled to find the words to describe my feeling of "I just felt like it". That's when I decided to go onto the idiom website in search of an idiom that would help me describe the feeling of "just for the heck of it" albeit more intellectually of course. I scoured, searched, looked, scrambled the whole of the idiom site for a good 1 and a half minutes before my ADHD kicked in and before I knew it I was playing Brubeck's Take 5 on my guitar.
This was when I realized, there was no idiom for "Just for the heck of it". Well, there probably is an idiom for that, however, my short attention span prevents me from finding it. Maybe Rajit or something will know. Anyway, this is when I decided to go neologist on everyone's ass and INVENT a new idiom!
So here's the idea behind the idiom. As stated above, the idiom is to describe doing something for the "heck of it". See that photo on the left? Yeah, that's an Ant Hill. My idiom for doing something for the heck of it is:
"Peeing on an Anthill"
So, how did I get the peeing part? Well, you ever go like, camping or on an outdoor hike or something? When you need to take a piss, you kind of go into the forest to take one right? And sometimes, you see an anthill. You ever take a piss on that anthill before? Don't lie, all guys have taken a piss on the fucking anthill. All guys, and well, evidently some very courageous chicks have flooded the home of some poor ant colony with the frothy, golden liquid of joy that is piss, right from the urethra. I was asking myself last night, being a degenerate philosopher, WHY do we pee on ant hills? I mean, it's like you already have your cock out and your ready to unleash your fluid of death...may as well move the trajectory of the stream a little to the right and hit the anthill, right? Why do we do that?
The answer is, we do it... for the HECK of it. And that's when I knew I found my idiom. Allow me now to demonstrate this idiom in action:
Person 1: "Why did you eat that horrible costco sample?"
Person 2: No reason, just felt like Peeing on an Anthill
Person 1: "Why did you masturbate on the plane?!"
Person 2: No reason, just felt like PEEING ON AN ANTHILL
Person 1: "Why did you go see Usher instead of The Eagles?!"
Person 2: No reason, I should be PISSED ON LIKE AN ANTHILL for my decision making skills.
Lastly, Peeing on an Anthill can be abbreviated into PoaA in text message situations much like lmao, rofl and lol.
Person 1: dud, y di u h0ok up wid her?
Person 2: lul, i waz PoaA!!!11one
Let me, now, show you this picture of Dario dressed up as a snowboarding tiger thing. Why did I post that? Well because I felt like (everyone say it with me!):
Peeing. On. An. Anthill.
Compelling stuff huh? Once again, thanks for reading! Post a comment I would love to hear your thoughts on my new idiom, I love comments. Comments make me happy. Screw you Mr. Reich, comments are great. Comments. Oh did you know, I recently discovered you can change text color on Weebly? What an age we're living in, huh?
So anyway, comments greatly appreciated, thanks for reading and remember, if we didn't destroy an anthill with our piss every time we went camping, the fucking world will be overrun with ANTS. So the next time you pee on an anthill, think of this idiom, and give yourself a pat on your back for being a vigilante in the fight against the ant invasion.
Hey all, this is our audition video for the ACE competition. Youtube is blocked and I have no idea how to use Youku, so I'm embedding my audition video onto this blog and then sending this blog link as my submission.
TURN YOUR VOLUME UP LOUD PLEASE, USE HEADPHONES.
Hello, this is a blog post that is not really a blog post, kind of like a black guy who watches Seinfeld or That 70's Show. So here we go!
This is my friend, Yong Jun:
He is an international man of mystery. A rogue, a renegade, power-hungry and with an agenda. You mess with him, and he will FUCK YOU UP. (Figure 2)
Yeah that's right, you mess with him and he will give you a concussion that you will never wake up from. You don't want to end up like those two in the picture.
So, why am I posting about Yong Jun? Well, he demanded me to post a public apology to him for harassing him in Music class, and also, licking his composer's baton (I know, it sounds wrong). Man you should've seen the look of horror on his face when my tongue connected with that baton. So anyway, here's your public apology. Anyway, to make up for my absolute fucking lack of content and effort, here are some funny pictures which you may or may not have seen before!
Just as a side note, it is important to note that Yong Jun's nickname is "Yong Fag Da Wang". People who live in Shanghai will get why. Anyway, onto the pictures!
Hello all, today is a great day because I just hit 600 unique visitors and 1.3K page views! Cannot thank you enough for supporting me and spending the time to read through this blog. I haven't been able to post all week because I have been seriously busy so here's the post!
Today I'm going to show you something extremely special! This is something that you can apply to your everyday life as I have to mine. Once upon a time, Humans deemed it important to use Irony to convey a point. Irony led to Sarcasm, and before long, the whole human race was hooked on being Sarcastic. So some very smart guy, probably a prehistoric Yong Jun, deemed it necessary to create hand symbols to identify and emphasize your sarcasm:
Step 1 and Step 2 of the classic sarcastic quote.
We've all seen the "sarcastic" hand quote before, and an example of the usage would be:
Sure, let's go to the "garden".
The sarcastic quote makes everything sound sarcastic therefore implying that the garden is not a real garden, but what about other emotions? Why are there no quotes for Happiness, Sadness etc? Well, let me tell you, there are! I will show you the "Creepy Quote"
So, this next hand sign is to make everything sound creepy. Whenever you do this, everything will sound creepy and disturbing. This is best accompanied with a really low monotone serial killer-esque voice.
I present to you, on the left, the CREEPY QUOTE!
Look at it, look at the two steps, look at how fucking disturbing that hand sign is? God it's sick. I just threw up a little in my mouth. So whenever you want to creep someone out, let's use the same line:
Sure, let's go to the "garden"
Step 2, curl fingers in.
If the steps did not sufficiently creepy you out, it's probably because it's really hard to convey the concept of the creepy quote on text. I usually share this to people in real life. So basically what you do is, the pick out the word that you want to sound creepy, for our case, the word would be GARDEN.
1) Go to a mirror.
2) With your hands outstretched like in the picture above, say the line "Sure, let's go to the "garden".
3) When you get to the two syllable word Garden, curl your fingers upwards like you're beckoning someone over, once for each syllable of the world Garden.
4) The overall effect would be "Sure let's go to the Gar (curl fingers) - den (curl fingers again)." With emphasis on garden.
5) If you don't know what I mean, imagine you're doing the normal sarcastic hand motion, but just flipped around so it's on its underside. It's pretty much a sarcastic hand quotation except the positioning is different and shown in the photo.
6) To be extra creepy, just creep up to your friends and start curling your fingers back and forth with a creepy glare. Don't say a word, don't break eye contact.
Like I said, I don't know how this will convey over written text but hopefully, if you've followed the instructions after looking at the animation above, you should have yourself one hell of a creepy quote. Now that you've creeped out the word Garden, the word now instead of sounding sarcastic, now implies that the Garden is a sort of creepy reference to pubes or something. One last thing to note is that Sarcastic quotes are noted in writing as:
Sure, let's go to the "garden".
Creepy quotes, however, thanks to Ben Kothe of the Berklee 5 Week Performance Program has their own set of written notation:
Sure, let's go the ,,Garden,,
Since half of the male readers of my blog only read my blog posts because they contain pictures of ravishing women, this is for you guys! Also, i followed Cedric's very good tip of posting the woman at the bottom as a sort of "reward" for reading.
So anyway, if people still have No idea what I'm on about with this creepy quote thing, I might consider uploading a video to show you guys. Try it on your friends and see how creeped out they will be with the addition of the creepy quotes onto certain words! I know this is quite a changing from the musings about love, but I decided to do something more light-hearted today since it's the weekend! As per usual comments are greatly appreciated and thank you for your continued support, I love the shit out of you readers!
So anyway, in conclusion, spread the word of the Creepy Quotes! Or should I say, ,,Creepy Quotes,,?
Yes, it's time to get all mushy and talk about feelings and love. The topic of Love always fascinated me. I have always loved listening to people's interpretation of Love and what it means to them to love someone. Whether it's when a woman makes a sandwich or when the world "I love you" escapes your lover's mouth in hushed tones, Love is what makes the world go round and when a friend of mine asked me to define "love", I couldn't do it. I thought, and I thought, and I thought some more but I just couldn't quite get it to roll off my tongue. We all have a vague idea of what Love is, but Love has a cloud of ambiguity around it that is fascinating.
So, let us begin the seemingly impossible task of defining love. I think in order to get closer to what Love is, we have to define what it's not. Lust. I believe that Lust is when you Love someone partially. Lust focuses on usually one aspect (usually looks) of a person, and any other dimensions to that person such as their hobbies, favorite soap operas and extensiveness of their Donny Hathaway album collection do not matter at all.
For example, I can lust over Anne Hathaway's gorgeous looks and when I do, I love the physical aspect of her and I love ONLY that aspect. I don't give a fuck if she helps in the homeless shelters or sleeps in the fetal position I am focused and lusting over her physical aspect. If God were to reach down with his almighty hand and change every personality dimension about Anne Hathaway, I wouldn't care because her looks are still unchanged and that is all I care about.
So that's Lust. My personal definition of Lust would be:
The intense affection of one aspect of someone and the lack of consideration for that person's other aspects.
So if that's lust, what is Love (cue "Baby don't hurt me)? I believe love is like a House of Cards. If you imagine the House itself as your love for someone and the cards as the features of that someone, you can kind of see where I'm going with this. I believe that being in Love is much like building a House of Cards because everyone wants to place the last card on the House and cheer, however, to do that, you must create the conditions for the last card to be placed and complete the house.
So what am I trying to say? Love, unlike lust, is the intense affection of all the aspects and personality dimensions of someone. If Lust is a disease, then love is the epidemic of Lust. Love is when you lust or have deep affection for everything that they do and are. Sure you might love her gorgeous face or size 32 rack, but you also love that she plays music, is smart, and has terrible taste in music and books. When you love someone, you love every aspect of that someone, and if you were to remove a card in the house of cards that is your lover, you might risk everything falling apart and falling out of love.
So is that really love? The lusting of every aspect of someone? Well, I believe so, however here's the catch. It takes an immense amount of experience with that person to even be REMOTELY aware of every aspect of someone. I guess what I'm trying to say is, how can you love everything about someone when you don't know everything about that someone? Let me an example of what I mean:
I've been studying The Great Gatsby in my literature class and Fitzgerald tells the story about Gatsby, a man obsessed with a girl called Daisy. He's never really spoken to her, and never really known her completely, but he chased and loved her for 5 years. When he finally gets to go on a date with Daisy, he realized that she is not what he expected her to be.
You see, Gatsby fell in love with the notion of Daisy and not Daisy herself. I see this happening very often among my peers and acquaintances. They will proclaim and confess their undying love for their lover without even completely knowing them! I'm going to call this Gatsby syndrome (medical school, here I come!). Gatsby syndrome is when you fall in love, no doubt, but the question is who are you falling in love with? Are you falling in love with the the Daisy herself and all that she is? Or are you falling in love with the Daisy that is in your head?
So in order to really love someone, I would argue you must fulfill the prerequisite of knowing almost everything about them. So how do you know someone completely? It is not through hundreds of dates, phone calls or letters, it's through STRIFE. People show their true colors when they are under strife and plucked out of their comfort zone. I'm sure you've seen this before in many people where when the going is good they are benevolent and kind but when the going is tough, they are are a whole new animal.
In order to love someone, you must know someone very well, and in order to know someone very well, there must be strife and suffering. My argument is that love can only flourish when some form of strife or conflict has happened. Doesn't matter if your strife is your lover cheating on you or to something as simple as not being able to see your lover because her parents are opposed to your relationship, couples MUST go through STRIFE in order to flourish.
Please note that this is my interpretation of love. The beautiful thing about this emotion is it is so personal to everyone that there is no right or wrong. i am merely sharing to you what I think is love in my personal opinion. And with that, I leave with you one of my favorite quotes about love:
"Infatuation is when you think he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford - but you'll take him anyway."
If you liked today's blog post, it would make my day if you took the time to comment on this post and blog. I put a lot of effort into my musings and it means the world to me when people comment on my blog because that's how I know people read it. I don't really care what you comment, but please do and as an added bonus, why don't you throw in what you, personally think love is!
When a man puts his penis in peanut butter, he's...