You know how people always go 'making some small changes in your life can lead to great gains'. For example you ever hear that cheery chick go 'I started smiling at everyone and it completely changed my experience with other people' or, the husky dude who's like 'I started doing 5 push ups in the morning and it helped me so much'. Yes indeed, self improvement, and the improvement of your life starts with small incremental changes in your life that lead to big gains. I am not here to tell you to run every morning or smile at everyone you see, but I am here to show you how to improve your life.
There is a lot of talk about how your life has to be successful, how your life should be meaningful and while all these things are very important, there is not enough talk about a quality of life that is equally as valid and important and that is FUN. Yes, your life should be FUN. I am of the personal belief that, 90% of depression can be counteracted by laughter and exercise. Quote me on this, PLEASE because I firmly believe that no one ever was depressed whilst breaking a sweat/laugh. This leads me to the blog topic I am starting today. It's about HAVING FUN. This will be a series called How to Have Fun and my aim is to create a cookbook of fun.
In this cookbook of fun that I am starting, I will show you many different recipes for pranks, jokes and general fun concocted by myself. These recipes are tried and true, roadworn and seasoned and will always crack a smile out of you. Without further hesitation, let me show you how to have fun.
How to Annoy People
And so it begins! You will need these things:
x1 Someone with a name tag. You need someone who wears a name tag on a daily basis for long hours because this joke banks on the fact that they are not aware that they are wearing a name tag. So preferably a deliveryman, waiter, contractor, receptionist etc.
x1 A severe and worrying lack of inhibition
Let me give you some backstory. One fine day, after a tough week of being a smelly recruit in the army, I had ordered McDonalds to deliver to my home. (In Singapore, McDonalds can deliver to your house regardless of where you are in the country in like 20 minutes. It almost makes up for the fact that chewing gum is banned here.) A quick 20 minutes later, I had a McDonald's delivered to my apartment. The guy was having trouble negotiating the absurd amount of food (I eat a lot) out of his delivery bag so I was stood there for quite awhile. My mind started to wander. (when my mind starts to wander, something bad happens. my mind wandering is the exact equivalent of a pre-thunderstorm drizzle.) So yeah, I was sat there thinking about stuff when I realized his name-tag! His name was Jerald. That's a fucking weird name for a malay dude.
I casually said, 'Jerald, huh? That's a kinda' weird and cool name.' He looked up with a face of amazement and exclaimed 'how did you know my name?!'. I looked at him and said blandly, 'dude, you're wearing a name tag, of course I know your name'. He laughed and said 'aw, shit, I wear that damn name tag so much that I forgot that it's there!'. And it was THEN, that the drizzle in my wandering mind turned into a raging fucking MONSOON. I quickly realized that...
People wearing name tags for long hours have NO idea they are wearing them.
They basically have NO idea that everyone knows their names. This combined with the fact that no customer addresses them by their name is ripe for pranking. So after months of calling people in the service industry by their first names, I have found that this is one of the most hilarious ways to make a boring trip to the dentist hilarious. Like any great leader, I lead by example, so allow me to recall for you the story of Eugene Ng, the receptionist for Orthopedics International.
I had inured my leg whilst training in the army and I am waiting to register for my MRI. I am the only customer and the receptionist, named Eugene Ng sits, bored.
Josiah: Hi there, I'm here for my appointment with Dr. Toh.
Eugene: Alright let me check.
Eugene: Okay, take a seat there, Dr. Toh is with another patient at the moment so I'll call you to go see him when he is ready. Shouldn't take long. Like 15 minutes.
Josiah: Alright thanks so much, EUGENE.
Eugene: -pushing up his thick framed glasses- ...How do you know my name?
Josiah: What do you mean? Don't you remember me, EUGENE?
-dazed and confused-
Josiah: We were in the same primary school, EUGENE.
Josiah: You asked to copy off my homework and got me into trouble, don't you remember, EUGENE?
Eugene: (collecting himself) Dude, I have like no recollection of this at all, but I was an asshole back then, I'm really sorry man.
Josiah: It's cool, EUGENE. But you remember me right? We used to be such good friends.
Eugene: Yeah yeah, of course! Like um, yeah. (shifts uncomfortably)
Josiah: Do you want to catch up? I'll meet you at the Starbucks in this hospital for coffee after work? Like 8?
I actually have an audio recording of this, but I'm trying to figure out how to code a fucking audio player into the site. Since I'm retarded, it'll probably never happen, but I'll post the audio recording as a download file later. There are endless possibilities with this, but I will have to say this. I have tried this on smart people and it does not work. They are aware of the name tag. Your best targets are chicks (because they feel the need to be sociable) and slow, socially awkward guys with no EQ.
I hope Eugene Ng did not actually wait at the Starbucks, but that was my best one! I shall be uploading that audio recording soon. I still see Eugene every weekend for physiotherapy and we recollect and laugh about memories of our childhood that I make up on the way to the clinic.
Hi guys. It's 4am here and I just got back from a night out. This is not really a blog post because it's going to be very short and devoid of any digressions. Tonight marks the third time I've walked in on someone taking a shit in the cubical. Is this normal? Because sometimes I feel cursed. Why would you not lock the door? Do you get off on some kind of sick euphoric pleasure from having someone MAYBE walk in on you when you're pulling the pin on an ass grenade? Or did you just forget? Either way, don't get me started on the converse as well (it's funny how saying "don't get me started" is a segway to getting me started on a digression) - How many times at a house party or whatever have you needed to use the toilet but waited outside because the door was closed?
Okay, I'm sure you all know this situation I'm about to describe. - You're at a house party and you had one too many pre-teen concocted shitty alcohol mixes and you need to go take a piss. You ask the horribly inebriated host where the toilet is and he flails his arms in some vague fucked up direction which you can barely decipher. After much exploration and frustrated grunts around the house, you finally find the toilet. You feel like you should be a cartographer or explorer after accomplishing such a gargantuan task. You walk up to the toilet, the door is closed. You're not sure if there's someone in there mid-dump or WORSE, ...fornicating. You put on your imaginary Sherlock Holmes outfit and put your ear towards to door listening for any signs of life. The sound of piss streams, the disgruntled moans of pain from a party goer that had too much east indian food last night, the sound of the tap going, you're trying to listen for any of those signs. - But it's so hard to listen for anything over the California Girls playing from the speakers! A good five minutes has passed and every attractive girl in the party has walked passed you and mentally noted you as the weird guy that likes to listen in on people's bathroom activities. You decide, "fuck this shit, I'm going in". You knock once. No answer. You knock a second time. No answer. Then with a surge of frustration you do the slow "I hope you're not mid-dump" opening of the door. There's no one in the toilet. You feel raped. There you were just being nice and not wanting to walk in on someone dropping an ass grenade and this is what you get? You proceed to take a very frustrated pee and consider not wiping as a "fuck you" to society but then remember you're trying to get laid tonight, so you wipe it anyway. It is however, a very angsty wipe.
This needs to stop. That was a pretty long rant, but yknow, that's the way you guys wanted it anyway. So without further ado, here are Josiah's rules to the toilet!
This rule should seems so elementary but is never done in practicality. This needs to be the first thing kids learn in school, then maybe if we have time we'll get to work on the Singaporean Pledge or the times table.
1) DOOR CLOSED means it is occupied. Ocupado. 有人. Whatever the fuck. It means there is someone in there expelling some foul demons from their body. Simple enough right?
2) DOOR OPEN means vacant. This means no shitting or pissing with the door open, you sick fucks.
3) DOOR SLIGHTLY OPEN means "enter at your own stinky risk...". - You should adjust how ajar the door is depending on how much you've stunk up the bathroom. Like, at 90% closed, your shit probably has a life of it's on and you probably have to exercise it like in one of those shows. So it could range from 90% closed to 10% closed. You know, it's just good science right? Don't question me because I took IB Biology.
You see, if we all get on the same page, there would be no more confusion. There would be no more walking in on people unloading their waste and there would be no more pointlessly waiting for a couple of minutes outside a closed bathroom door.
There are actually 4 more rules I have in mind but I can't really be bothered to write them at the moment. I think what I'll do is release a rule for every post I make. Hope you enjoyed the short post. If you're still reading from the days when my blog went crazy viral, then I salute you, kind sir, thanks for stickin' around. And if you're new here, feel free to post a comment and let me know what you think about my toilet rule. PEACE.
I think most of my posts have been rather serious; what with all the Marijuana and Kony posts, it's been slightly depressing! So i thought I might make a post about something more light-hearted and humorous. Ok, so today we are going to talk about toilet-flushers and WHY they don't work. Firstly I just want to say this. People always go "oh look at Josiah, here he goes again ranting about manboobs or why we should name our kids "Fatimah" or "Lou" he's just joking!". I am fucking serious. Every single outlandish improvement I write here, I am serious. When you hear me say I am going to name my kid Lou because it sounds like "Louuuu" when people "Boooo" and jeer him on stage, I am fucking serious. I am seriously about everything I write. Comedy is simply a trebuchet I use to lower your defenses and make you more malleable.
Ok, so today we are talking about toilet flushers. There are two kinds of toilet flushers. Bad ones, and REALLY bad ones. If you see the world through the prism of motivation, you will realize that a lot of people do not flush toilets at a public place because it is dirty and there is simply no reward! It's sad that we have to depend on incentives to better the world, but it's true. Okay, before we figure out ways on how to improve the toilet flusher, let me tell you what's wrong with the current toilet flushers.
Okay, so this is your typical middle class flusher that is emerging more and more. It looks kind of like a a cashew nut fervently spooning an almond nut and it SUCKS. Here's what's wrong with this toilet flusher:
1) If you have taken a huge dump, you really should be using the large flush, but PSA's and society has deemed that to be an environmentally unfriendly thing to do. So you are always faced with the dilemma of either leaving a fecal bomb in the toilet or feel like a world killing dick.
2) The flusher is BEHIND you, hence if you are offloading a particularly heavy round of Pad Thai, you probably need to flush twice and therein lies the problem! You have to flush it while sitting down, and because the flusher is behind you, you have to kind of twist your body like a corkscrew just to reach it.
Ok, so now we have established that modern day flushers are horrible and there is just no incentive to do so. So why don't we add a little incentive? This idea came to me while I was in the fine city of Vegas many years ago. It occurred to me that public bathrooms in Vegas were FILTHY. No one was flushing. I mean granted everyone was inebriated and didn't give a shit, but still, that was a problem. So a 14 year old me went to be pondering the hypothetical, "if I was the mayor, how would I solve this problem". And a prepubescent me came up with an idea that is one of my best ideas to date...
Many people will recognize this contraption as the slot machine lever. I think you can see where this is going. Because of the rampant amount of casinos and the avalanche of people addicted to gambling, why don't we make the toilet flushers slot machine levers?
Seriously. Imagine you in Vegas, you've just won a little bit of money, you're slightly drunk and have to go take a piss. You finish peeing and while you would normally not bother with the flusher, you see that the flusher is somewhat like the one pictured on the left. You see a gigantic long lever just waiting to be pulled. Your fingers curl up uncontrollably, miming the shape of the lever head as you crave pulling that lever. Look at that lever, it is just asking to be pulled. And finally, you do the deed.
Life is about motivation and incentives and because of this, if we give people motivation and incentive to flush I believe toilets will be a lot cleaner. But seriously, if you're still not on board with the idea of this, is probably because you have never pulled a slot machine lever before. And I'm talking about those gigantic long levers. It's because you have never felt that satisfying, that rewarding deep "clunk" after fully depressing the lever, it's better or on par with a sexual orgasm, I swear. Not only are guys addicted to gambling, the lever is just so fun to pull!
Levers are ridiculously fun to pull, and using it as an incentive to flush in Vegas is something I would love to see happen. And plus, with all that extra money going around from the Casinos, maybe we could make it a jackpot where you could win 10,000 dollars for flushing or something. Do you find levers as fun as I do? Do you have any other ideas to fix the rampant unflushed toilets? Let me know!
As most of you know, I am an aspiring musician. I play a gig on average once every two weeks on top of my studies in Dulwich College and it's really fun.
I am writing this blog post because I am sick and tired of telling people over and over again why sometimes it hurts me when people watch me live. This will be a quick one hopefully.
It sucks when I play on stage in front of a couple of hundred people and there is no one I recognize or can say hello to. It sucks even more when I look at a band that is playing after me and they have about a horde of friends/coworkers armed with banners and posters screaming for them. But you know what sucks the most? The pity support. Hardly anyone I am friends with has ever watched me play a gig live outside of the college, and that's fine, because they are busy paving their way to a good, successful future. But once in awhile, there will be one person, usually a friend or maybe a group of them that will come out and watch me play.
I had this experience awhile back. A couple of acquaintances came out to watch me play at Bee Dees, and I was pleasantly surprised to see someone I actually knew and could say Hello to in the audience. After my flashy abusing of my acoustic guitar, the three girls came to tell me I did an "amazing job". I asked them "you're awesome for coming out, but why did you come out?" and they replied "oh well, I heard no one ever comes out to watch you live, so we decided to pay you a visit!". Her embrace was thick with an aura of pity and sympathy. Pity support.
Pity support is the most depressing thing you can do to a performer. I know they meant well, but that fucking line of "I heard no one ever comes out to watch you live, so we decided to pay you a visit" stung like venom. So here's the message to any of my readers living in Shanghai who are thinking of attending one of my performances:
If you decide to watch me play live, I love you and you deserve a hug or a kiss (depending on how attractive you are). However, please come for the music and the music alone. Stop and think for a second - are you coming to watch me because you are my friend? Or perhaps it's because my hair looks funny? Or maybe it's because you feel sorry that no one ever watches me live? If your answer is anything besides "I am coming to watch you for the music", then please, keep your sweatpants on, put on an episode of Sex in the City and stay home. I would rather play to an empty stadium than play to a group of friends who came out because of something besides the music, be it pity or attraction (haha, I wish!) or whatever. I seriously would.
I am naught but a vessel for the music. I am merely a translator and interpreter for the music. My guitar, my voice and body together in trinity form a bridge from the audience to my mind, where the my most intimate and innermost emotions lie. My job is to convey my emotions of the song through the the medium of my voice and my guitar and sometimes harmonica (badly ;D). I practice thousands of hours literally, day and night, regardless of the environment around me, you can bet I will be pickin' away at a song.
In a nutshell, I want you to attend because you appreciate the thousands of hours I have bled into a 40 minute set. I want you to attend because you want to cross the bridge into my innermost thoughts through a song that I have poured my heart and soul into. And finally and simply, I want you to attend because you love the music. It is so easy to be distracted by flashy gimmicks; be it Katy Perry squirting whipped cream out of her tits in California Girls or flashy pyrotechnics of a rock band, or Justin Bieber's good looks that we have lost focus. We have lost what it means to love music - do you love Katy Perry's tits or her MUSIC?
Music in it's purest, most undefiled form is the most beautiful and soul nourishing medium of art there is. There needs to be a revival of the integrity and purity of music, and it starts right here, with this performer.
HI! ISAEDIT - 10/3/2012100,000 unique visitors
in 36 hours, and I've lost count of the page views. One word, share
. Harnessing the power of social media, together we can educate the masses.
Copy and share this link to every community you know and let's get people educated
. Contrary to popular belief, I do NOT
profit off of my blog at all, I believe it is philosophically wrong
and all I ask from you the reader, is that you share the good word
by copying and sharing the link
to this blog!EDIT
- 10/3/2012Before you read ANY of the arguments, I think the most compelling argument lies in a recent development. If you choose to ignore everything in the blog, please, just feast your eyes on the paragraph below that shows the idiocy of IC:
Fellow blogger Grant Oyston is a HUGE
advocate against Invisible Children, the organization behind the Kony Campaigns. He made a post complaining that IC are not "spending their money well"
on the KONY 2012 campaign. Do you know what was IC's response to his accusations that they are not spending money correctly? They offered him an ALL EXPENSES paid trip to San Diego
, FOLLOWED BY a PAID trip to Africa
to talk with the leaders personally. Grant estimates the cost of everything will be $3000 US, but I believe including the round trip and other expenses, it'll be around the ballpark of at least $10,000
. And guess where that money is coming from? That's right, DIRECTLY
donations to Invisible Children Inc. - Thankfully Oyston rejected the offer of unprecedented idiocy! Oyston has revealed this in his visible children blog and this is ONE small
example of the misuse of THOUSANDS of DOLLARS in DONATION MONEY
on something ridiculously trivial
. I challenge you to read this paragraph 5 times over and still feel compelled to give money to the Invisible Children Inc.EDIT: -
9/3/2012If you are looking for alternative charities to donate to,
Glenna Gordon via the Washington Post has suggested:I think there are a lot of reputable NGOs doing the daily business of development — the actual building of latrines, training of teachers, etc. Oxfam and IRC have great operations in Uganda. Lacor Hospital,Caritas Uganda, The Refugee Law Project, Christian Counseling Fellowship, and African Youth Initiative Network. I really hope that we can redirect the energy to these groups, as much as possible.
It must be stopped. We have to stop this madness. This KONY 2012 campaign is spreading like wildfire and no one is taking a step back to evaluate the situation. People jump onto the bandwagon and let that bandwagon decide for themselves. Do you have any idea who the Invisible Children charity are? Do you know anything about Joseph Kony? In this blog post I will provide for you another point of view and hopefully systematically argue my case for why KONY 2012 is not a good thing. All I ask you to do is keep an open mind and listen to a perspective that is not trodden on usually.
My job here is to present to you FACTS and FIGURES that will show you a new perspective into the whole KONY 2012 campaign. I will present to you an argument, followed by a fact and usually a citation from a reliable source. This is all arranged into an easy bite-sized chunk.
#1 - invisible Children Inc
The organization behind it all. The filmmakers and main driving force behind the event. Let's proceed to break it down. A small amount of research can easily reveal just the surface of the corruption that occurs in the Invisible Children Inc charity organization. So here are the facts that make this organization dodgy:
1) If we look at the salary of the Charity CEO's, one finds some shocking numbers!
Let's take a Charity like WorldTeach. My folks know the charity well, and they donate frequently to the organization. A quick look at Charity Navigator shows that the only salary of note is of the CEO's and it is $41,846. Not bad right?
Now, contrast this with Invisible Children's total salaries of notability:
$88,241 - Ben Keesey Chief Executive Officer
$89,669 - Jason Russell Co-Founder - Filmmaker
$84,377 - Laren Poole Co-Founder -Filmmaker
So this adds us to a total of $262,287! That's right. The notable salaries of Invisible Children amount to a QUARTER OF A MILLION split between three greedy individuals. Compare this with WorldTeach. WorldTeach not only has only 1 notable salary on the charity list, but it is a mere 41,846 dollars. The notable salary expenditure of Invisible Children is 400% more, at a whopping, $262,287 US dollars.
EDIT: I am AWARE that the CEO's money is only 80 thousand, but if we were to view salaries HOLISTICALLY:
Total notable salaries of WorldTeach: $41,846
Total notable salaries of Invisible Children Inc: $262,287
Invisible Children not only has three notable salaries (compare that with WorldTeach's mere 1), the total notable salaries combined is 400% that much.
Lastly, here is a direct quote from the Visible Children blog:
Invisible Children has been condemned time and time again. As a registered not-for-profit, its finances are public. Last year, the organization spent $8,676,614. Only 32% went to direct services (page 6), with much of the rest going to staff salaries, travel and transport, and film production. This is far from ideal, and Charity Navigator rates their accountability 2/4 stars because they haven’t had their finances externally audited. But it goes way deeper than that.
#2 We're fighting in uganda?
The official statement of Invisible Children as a charity is as follows:
"invisible children is a movement seeking to end the conflict in Uganda and stop the abduction of children for use as child soldiers."
There's a problem. The LRA disbanded in Uganda in 2006. While they have done some slight expansion into Central Africa, logistically and infrastructural-wise, at least 90% of Invisible Children's operations happen in Uganda. It is logistically impossible for someone so entrenched in Uganda to be a main flag-carrier for a terrorist campaign that is down in SOUTH SUDAN. Invisible Children is a Uganda based organization and since they have been rid of Joseph Kony in Uganda for 7 years now, what are they still doing campaigning something that is not their problem? The essence of it lies in incentives (thank you Freakonomics). And that is money.
EDIT 9/3/2012: For those of you arguing that the Invisible Children Inc. can still operate within South Sudan, it is logistically extremely inefficient to transfer infrastructure to another country, especially one of South Sudan's size. Proof? If you look on IC's official website, the ONLY infrastructure they have built outside of Uganda since the LRA left Uganda is a small rehabilitation center that can house 200 or so people.
The rehabilitation center is a nice thought, but the fact that a 13 million dollar a year revenue charity can only build ONE rehabilitation center in the 7 years that the LRA has moved to South Sudan just highlights the inherent logistical problem of IC being based in Uganda. If you want to donate, donate to a South Sudanese charity because they will be much better disposed in terms of infrastructure to aid the South Sudanese in the fight against the LRA. To sum it up, in 7 years, IC makes about 91 MILLION dollars, and all they have to show for it is a small rehabilitation center in South Sudan? They are in NO position to lead the frontal assault against Kony simply because he has moved out of Uganada. It is LOGISTICALLY impossible.
#3 Fighting violence with violence
Invisible Children's main organization is aimed at military engagement and intervention of Joseph Kony's army. The thousands of people who are campaigning for Kony's PROSECUTION have no idea what consequences might follow their actions. The key word here is PROSECUTION. Prosecution of Joseph Kony means DIRECT MILITARY ENGAGEMENT.
Above is an ACTUAL photo from Grant Oyston showing the Filmmakers of and members of the KONY 2012 movement and hence the Invisible Children movement posting with AK-47's and RPG's. Yes, everybody, this is your beloved organization. Close your eyes right no-, wait then you won't be able to read this. OKAY, CLOSE ONE EYE right now and imagine the millions of lives that will be lost in a direct confrontation against Kony's army. Imagine the bloodshed. This is what you are campaigning for. Like I said before, the only way to prosecute Kony is through military intervention. Is this what you really want?
I will end this point by appealing to common sense. Obama sent 100 specialized troops to attempt to deal with the Joseph Kony uprising. And you know what were their orders? They were NOT allowed to engage in direct combat. If you don't want to believe me, believe the president of the United States. The US could storm in right this moment and take Kony along with a couple of tens of millions of lives of innocent children. But they don't. You know why? Because they know better, and you should to. Is this really what you're supporting?
EDIT - 10/3/2012: I know MANY of you are trying to perpetuate the idea that KONY 2012 is about the non-violent destruction of Kony's army, however, that is ridiculously unrealistic. One of Kony 2012's slogans is "stop at nothing". The implication is that Invisible Children will stop at nothing to have Kony prosecuted. While the idea is romantic and pulls on your heart strings, the amount of bloodshed that would occur is extremely gut wrenching.
Simply put, the if the KONY 2012 organizers are really "stopping at nothing", as they so disgustingly put it, I am in no doubt that the whole of South Sudan and millions of people will be killed in bloodshed. As evident in the campaign slogan alone, KONY 2012 has a sickening and wrong approach. Do I have a better approach to the situation in South Sudan? Yes I do. Read on.
#5 - think: Where do i stand?
So where do I stand in all of this?
I am in firm belief that Joseph Kony is a monster and killer, he is a gigantic problem, however, I do not believe he is the biggest problem in South Sudan right now. No where CLOSE. It is extremely disheartening because no matter what decision is made, lives will be lost. However, I believe there needs to be a two pronged approach towards this problem.
FIRSTLY, we need to realize that the inherent problems in South Sudan are much worse than Kony. The OPPORTUNITY COST of spending millions and billions of dollars on the prosecution of Kony will not only lead to South Sudan decimated by military intervention, but more importantly, those billions of dollars could be helping South Sudan much larger scale problems. I hate to say it, but compared to the inherent infrastructural lackings within South Sudan, Kony is naught but a small itch in the bottom of South Sudan.
SECONDLY, we need to realize that things are bad in South Sudan. Shall I name several problems? (source: www.southernsudanmedicaljournal.com/assets/files/misc/SHHS.pdf)
1) Highest maternity death rate in the world, at 2,053.9 per 100,000 live births.
2) Tribal cleansing and killings within South Sudan kill 120,000 people in one month. (source: http://www.sudantribune.com/Over-120-000-displaced-in-South,41356) You need to realize that Kony is the LEAST of Sudan's worries right now, that number is a thousandfold larger than what Kony can kill in a month.
3) South Sudan has three hospitals. Yes. You read that correctly, a country of South Sudan's size only has three registered hospitals. Imagine the amount of neglect that is going on, the millions of lives that could be saved if the KONY 2012 money went to the building of hospitals. Infrastructure expenditure is the most reliable form of aid. Charity Navigator has a ton of information about charities in South Sudan that are dedicated to this cause.
While I am not saying that Kony musn't be stopped, I am arguing that South Sudan is not at a predisposed position to deal with Kony right now. There are a thousand more issues that kill a thousand times more lives. I am in firm belief that a combination of medical aid in the form of infrastructure and the stopping of tribal killings will save a millionfold (literally) more lives than the extremely improbable hypothetical of the prosecution of Kony.
6 - A final conclusion
My friend Yong Jun posted a beautiful, eloquent comment about the whole Kony situation, and with his permission, I am going to use it as my closing comment. (check him out at sevuolballare.weebly.com)
Wikipedia has, for such large pages, at least 50 reliable sources from universities and other acclaimed scholarly journals. I challenge you to find a page better cited. Wikipedia is unreliable for those tiny articles that about 5 people in the world is truly an expert about, and this again shows the bandwagon mentality of the inapt in thinking that Wikipedia cannot be trusted.
Was not the founding fathers of so many nations seen as such an evil being? Did the American founding fathers not slaughter, pillage and kill in order to create their Utopian society? Did Lenin not wage war against about 5 different armies and factions to reorganize Russia and improve its infrastructure and industry by a factor of 100 years? Did Mao not knock 50 years off China's state as a dark vortex of doom?
Machiavelli said "Hence it comes about that all armed Prophets have been victorious, and all unarmed Prophets have been destroyed." In a struggle for whatever ideal, sacrifices are inevitable, be it resources, wealth, a life or even entire armies. One that lives in a world that believes lives saved are always for the better is not only delusional but grossly misunderstands the workings of humanity.
Neither am I convinced that Kony is a Messiah for his people, alike to Mao or Lenin. However, the general ignorance at this topic, and the uproar it brought about is severely disheartening for one who sincerely wishes to love all humanity.
This cesspool of ignorance cannot continue. I am for an opposition to Kony, as every thesis requires and will have an antithesis. Please, however, make it intelligent.
This is a direct quote from Visible Children as I think Oyston has done an excellent job in compiling a formidable list of further reading articles:
--Joseph Kony and Crowdsourced Intervention
- Jack McDonald, Kings of War
- McDonald, of the Department of War Studies at King’s College London, writes about the challenges of cooperation between states in Central Africa, and about what role public opinion should have in conflict management and military affairs. New addition
: Solving War Crimes With Wristbands: The Arrogance of ‘Kony 2012’
– Kate Cronin-Furman & Amanda Taub, the Atlantic – Cronin-Furman and Taub are lawyers with expertise in international law and politics. They are critical of the KONY 2012 campaign’s focus on awareness, arguing that it may “displace specific solutions to these very complicated problems.” Invisible Children founders posing with guns: an interview with the photographer
– Elizabeth Flock, Washington Post
– An interview with the woman who took the controversial photo of the founders of IC holding guns with the SPLA. Also quotes IC’s response to this photo. Joseph Kony is not in Uganda (and other complicated things)
– Michael Wilkerson, Foreign Policy
– Wilkerson is a PhD candidate who has, importantly, lived and worked in Uganda. He’s concerned about the contents of the KONY 2012 film. Stop #Kony2012. Invisible Children’s campaign of infamy
– Angelo Opi-aiya Izama – Izama is a Ugandan journalist who says that to “call the campaign a misrepresentation is an understatement” and that the campaign is “disempowering” to African voices. Kony2012; My response to Invisible Children’s campaign
– Rosebell Kagumire – Kagumire is an award-winning Ugandan journalist and holds a Masters in Media, Peace and Conflict Studies from the University for Peace. In her video, she says: “The war is much more complex than one man called Joseph Kony.” Joseph Kony 2012: growing outrage in Uganda over film
– Mike Pflanz, The Telegraph
– Pflanz sums up the Ugandan concerns about the campaign. He quotes Fred Opolot, spokesman for the Ugandan government, expressing the government’s concerns about the campaign. Questions We Can Ask About Kony 2012
- Meg Nanson – I’m trying to keep my links to major publications, well-known journalists, and blogs written by those with expertise in the issues, but I feel that this is worth reading. Nanson is the founder of an NGO, and although her work is not linked to Africa, this post lists important questions that I’d encourage you to consider. --Thank you for reading, and please share this blog with everyone, along with all the blogs I have listed above. Regardless of whether you agree or disagree with me, people have the right to both sides of the story. Peace, and share in the fight for knowledge.If you liked this post, please share this link. It takes one second to copy this link and post it to your community site, Facebook, Myspace etc. I do not profit off of my blog at all, I believe it is wrong and all I ask is that you share the good word by copying and sharing the link to this blog!For any further inquiries, you can contact me at ProyousArt@hotmail.com.
Hello everyone? As inspired by Jon Gomm, I am going to end every sentence with a question mark? I think it makes everything more fun? So anyway, I'm sorry I haven't posted much, I have been swamped with work and music? It's been going good, not that any of you give a shit of course? My band AlGoreRhythm won ACE last night and it was awesome? Thank you all who came out to support us, you guys are the best? Anyway, I found out last night that I have readers from the far abyssal depths of Concordia? Shout out to you guys, and spread the word? Okay I'll stop with the question marks before I have a rabble of angry blog readers outside of my house wanting to roast me and my dog.
I have been aware I've been posting rather serious stuff, so I decided to do something a little more like my older blog posts! So, growing up from a diaper soiling toddler to a well...diaper soiling young adult, I've learned a lot of things. I've learned from the mistakes my parents made and I think I have some very precious wisdom to impart to you all about parenting and kids. So, without further ado, here's one of the most important tips to parents, teen moms and aspiring parents alike!
If you have a son, call him lou.
The name of your child is undoubtedly one of the most important decisions you will ever make as an adult, or teenager, if you're a female living in Nigeria. So as the title suggest, my suggestion is, if you have a dude, name him LOU, if you have a chick, name her FATIMAH.
Why, you might ask? Well, let's start with Lou. Lou is a solid name, it sounds good and it's a name that you would be proud of. But that's not why you should name your child Lou. Lou is the undoubtedly the best male name in the world because it sounds like "Boo". And not the Casper the Ghost "boo", the "get the fuck off the stage/field" type of "boo". I'm sure if you have an IQ higher than the number of neck beards I have on my neck, you can see where this is going. BUT JOSIAH IS A MAN WHO TAKES NO CHANCES. So, imagine this scenario...
Your son is... let's call him Caitlin, and he is a guitar player. But he kind of sucks. He's always fumbling on stage, can't get his equipment right, always playing the same scales and time signatures...oh wait...ANYWAY, so Caitlin has a big performance tonight, and although he stinks like catshit, you being the benevolent ever-supporting parent comes out to see him.
It is Caitlin's turn to go on stage now. The crowd is hused, the lights dim and a lone profile spot illuminates the center of the stage. Caitlin walks up and says "Hi uhhhh I'm going to play an instrumental version of Hendrix's Little Wing". The crowd is silent and he starts to play.
He starts to play, and he sucks. He sucks harder than a post-op transvestite on the first date, behind a bathroom stall. Stevie bombs and the crowd throws a slew of "Booooooo!", "Boooooooo!" and even more "Booooo!'s". Caitlin self esteem is crushed and he runs of the stage and turns to a life of drugs and "free prostate checks".
NOW, imagine if Stevie's name was Lou. He would start playing and the crowd would scream "Booooo!" BUT, this time, it would sound like "Louuuuuuuuuuuu!", try it now. Try saying boo and lou, it sounds kind of the same because when people say Boo, the stress the "ou" and it sounds like you are saying Lou! So, if your son was called Lou instead of Stevie and people were "Boo"-ing him on stage, you could just tell him, "Don't worry Lou, they're just screaming your name! Thank you.
if you Daughter? Call her fatimah.
So that's safe and sound for Lou and his lou-ing crowd, but what about the chicks? Chicks undoubtedly have more self esteem issues, but it's usually concerned with body image. The size of your rack, your ability to wear tennis shorts, smell of your pussy etc. So, if you have a daughter, name her Fatimah. Fatimah is a name very common malay name in Singapore and Malaysia and growing up in Singapore, I knew a chick called Fatimah, and me and my friends would call her "Fati" for short. It was just a commonly accepted nickname and everyone was cool with it, kind of like Isabella and Isa. So why should you call you daughter Fatimah? Well, it's simple, "Fati" (pronounded Fah-tee) kind of sounds like "Fatty".
So imagine the scenario, your daughter is in some highschool, and she's a heavy gal. I mean, she is one heavy-set son of a...well...son of a you. Let's call her Jane. So, there's this dude that Jane really likes in her school so today she decided to wear some tight fitting shorts to induce boners. So while Jane is queuing up for some fishsticks (hehehehehehehe), the popular group of girls, which consists of 2 white chicks, a black chick, armenian chick and asian chick (because EVERYTHING these days have to be multi-racial right), comes up to her and says in stinging sarcasm "Hey fatty, nice thighs!".
Now imagine if your daughter's name was Fatimah. She would undoubtedly be called Fati as a nickname because by today's society's standard, three syllable names are to exhausting to say. So, imagine the same scenario as Jane, but her name being Fatimah. The popular multi-racial group of multi-talented cheerleaders approaches her and says "Hey Fatty! Nice thighs!", Fatimah would just think that she means "Hey Fati", and accepts it as a compliment. She then proceeds to thank the cheerleader group for the compliment that was sarcastic with a poise and confidence unbeknownst to fat chicks in the past. The cheerleader group is so impressed by her ability to make a stand that the leader of the group, Mindy, approaches Fatimah with her asian sidekick, "sweet and sour chicken", and asks Fatimah if she wants to hang out. Fatimah is overjoyed and leads a new life of popularity, underage drinking and unprotected sex. Unfortunately, because of her time spent with her new found slut friends, Fatimah has no time to hang out with her old friends Shelley and Constance. And that, my friends is the plot to my new movie "Teenage Files". I think it's a great, never before heard of idea and I'm sure it's not a completely fucked out idea for the last 10 years.
Sorry, slight tangent there, but that's basically the jist of it.
- If you have a son, call him Lou so when he gets booed on stage, you can just tell him they are screaming his name.
- If you have a daughter, name her Fatimah so when other better looking chicks call her 'Fatty" you can tell her it's just an affectionate nickname for Fatimah.
That was that! I hope you enjoyed this blog post, more coming soon, hopefully! Thank you for reading, comment, and tell your friends about this blog if you liked it! Drop me a loving comment even if you don't know me, I love reading the opinion of my readers! Actually, if you have good names for kids, why you don't you go ahead and post it in the comments! I was thinking about naming my son Thor too... because well... I mean...
Who the fuck wants to mess with a kid named THOR?
Hey all, today we have the very "special" Lok Chan writing a piece for me. Sit back, crack open a non-alcoholic drink and relax, 'cause baby, this is going to be good.
10 Ways to Tell If You're An Asshole
By Lok Chan
Hello Seet Weebly Fans! I am Lok Chan, a friend of Josiah Seet, and I am here to enlighten you with a list of ways for you to check whether or not you or your good friend is an asshole.
So without further ado… Here is the list of 10 ways to tell if you’re an asshole. 1 - You are/will take a gap year
So after 12 – 14 years of education, or 18 if you’re Asian, you have finally accomplished every teenager’s primary objective. COMPLETE HIGH SCHOOL. Your parents have big wishes for you to become whatever the fuck you want, or for an Asian a dentist, lawyer or doctor. Your parents are overwhelmed and ask you what universities you have applied for and you tell them, “I want to take a gap year”. How the fuck do you expect your parents to respond to that?
The only respect I give to gap year students are if, and only conditionally if, they decided mid-way through applications that they don’t give a fuck anymore and just quit. Rage quitting is the only way you can quit without being named as an asshole. Rage quit is a symptom that once you get, it exacerbates as we can see here à http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqtr_RvR3sY
2 - You plan to apply to a music conservatory for a performance major in the instrument “Double Bass”
What is considered a legit instrument in the modern 21st century? Is it Electric Guitar? Is it a Drum Kit? Is it Electric Keyboard? NO. It’s the DOUBLE BASS. The great thing about it is you can’t even fucking hear it!
Yong Jun: Hey man what’s that you’re playing?
Steve: A bass
3 - You claim you are an American, but everything about you is fucking Asian All I have to say is http://www.vexen.co.uk/USA/hateamerica.html and that if I was on a hijacked plane, the American passport is the last one I would choose to possess. Be proud to be an Asian.
4 - You wear a Hawaiian Shirt in a crowded city
5 - You excessively use bathos to make already unfunny shit, unfunnier
Now as much as I love “How I Met Your Mother” and this hot piece of Canadian ass.
"I'm angry with you, I'm angry with ted, and frankly i'm still angry at the empire"– Marshall Ericsson -> Unfunny
Trying to make something funny with bathos only works if you do it correctly as we can see in the movie “Heat”.
“I'm angry. I'm very angry, Ralph. You know, you can ball my wife if she wants you to. You can lounge around here on her sofa, in her ex-husband's dead-tech, post-modernistic bullshit house if you want to. But you do not get to watch MY FUCKING TELEVISION SET!” – Vincent Hanna -> Serious hence funny
If you are going to use bathos, please use it correctly or I will come to your house, steal all your shit, fuck your mom and drink your water. Yes Thomas Ren, I will come and drink your water.
I strongly believe that “How I Met Your Mother” overuses the literary technique, bathos.
6 - You order a 12 inch Tuna Double Meat Subway Sandwich
When I go to Subway, I like to order the cheapest sandwich available to me, call me Asian or whatever you want. Either way I save money and still get to eat a sandwich with meat, vegetables and wheat. Having lived in China for so many years, I took the courtesy of memorising how much each sandwich costs and by doing so, I can immediately identify which person standing in queue is a complete asshole. I know for a fact that the ham sandwich is the cheapest, 16 kuai, whereas the tuna sandwich is 24 kuai. Firstly, why the FUCK would subway make tuna the most expensive sandwich? No one fucking likes tuna. Except Caitlin because that’s the only meat she can eat. Second, Who would pay 8 kuai more for tuna instead of ham??? I don’t buy ham by the way, I get the daily special which is 1 kuai cheaper. Learning HL econs has taught me many things, a 12 inch Tuna Double Meat Subway is a Veblen good. The more expensive it gets, the more demand.
The only reason why people buy 12 inch Tuna Double Meat Subway Sandwiches is because they want to flaunt their cash, not because they genuinely like CANNED TUNA SPREAD ON WHEAT.
7 – You think Digimon is better than Pokémon
If you can name more characters from the right than from the left. You sir are an asshole.
8 – You are Malaysian but have plans to change citizenship to become Singaporean
I do not want to say names, Samuel Lim, but I guess I do not have a choice. I know Malaysia is probably not the best country in the world, and yes you guys have high crime rate because you don’t have side railings on your roads. But to defect and become Singaporean? Really?
Ok I can understand. Low crime rate, MRT, Geylang, Hawker Street, 9k SGD for NS and a free iPad 2. I CAN understand why. Cheap bastard.
9 – YOU is a grammar nazi
yes my grammar is best.
10 – You’re Asian and support Manchester City
To finish of the list, I would like to incorporate a syllogism, a technique I learned from TOK.
Premise 1: You are Asian
Premise 2: Asians support Manchester City
Conclusion 1: You support Manchester City
Premise 3: You support Manchester City
Premise 4: Manchester City supporters not from Manchester are assholes
Conclusion 2: You are an asshole
If you are Asian and support Manchester City, then I know that you must have supported some other glory hunting club like Arsenal or Chelsea before you decided to support Manchester City.
I do make an exception however to Asian fans that support Manchester City purely because of this man here.
And for you assholes out there who think that I myself am a glory hunter like every Asian out there, then you sir are wrong. I am a loyal fan of the black and white toon army, the magpies, the one and only NEWCASTLE UNITED.
Anyways thank you for taking the time to read my Liszt. If there are enough comments/requests for more Liszts like these, then Mr. Seet shall inform me and I will write another Liszt.
Hope you liked that, post a comment telling a couple of your very own ways to tell if someone's an asshole! More post by guest writers soon!
"There are two types of gay. There's gay because you like to chug cock and gay because you don't want to move furniture."
- Adam Carolla
This list...is the work of gays.
Hey guys, welcome and sorry I haven't been posting, I have been watching disgusting amounts of Family Guy and playing a lot of music. This is just a (hopefully) quick blog post about something horrible I read yesterday. So I was just messing around on the internet when I came (well fuck, none of these women would make me come) across Men's Health Magazine's list of 100 Hottest Women of All Time.
Here is the link to the horribly ill conceived piece of shit they have created. The choices there are so fucked up that I am still wishing that this is a satire of all the sexy lists that other magazines have created. I'll probably pick out 5 of the worst picks, but...I'll see. If I get pissed off then maybe I'll post more. Before I start, I don't want you asswipes trying to give me the speech about how beauty is subjective and what not. If you believe Jennifer Aniston is more attractive than Natalie Portman, then you should be brutally raped with a mop handle. There is just no way.
First up is Madonna. What the fuck. She is named the 5th sexiest woman of ALL TIME. Really? Keep in mind, this was the picture they used. THAT PICTURE WAS USED OUT OF ALL THE PICTURES OF MADONNA BY MEN'S HEALTH TO PORTRAY HER BEAUTY. How retarded are you. Now, that's not to say Madonna is not attractive or whatever, but jesus christ, pick a better picture. There is nothing sexy about her. She is rocking a pube-fro so hideous that even Art Garfunkel wouldn't beat off to it. She is so flat chested and her arms are so manly...that there is nothing womanly or alluring about her. I wouldn't be surprised if Men's Health told me after seeing this that she is a pre-op transvestite. What the fuck is wrong with you people?
Jean Harlow. Number fucking 67 in the universe, of ALL FUCKING TIME.
Her husband committed suicide. I think we all know why he did it.
That will be all.
Number 97, I would like to emphasize again, number 97th most beautiful woman that ever existed. Of all time.
Dolly Parton, you are a piece of shit singer, legendary hack and hideous looking. If you had any shred of self dignity, you would look yourself in the mirror, throw up after looking at what is staring back at you and then go call Men's Health and asked to be revoked from that list.
Perhaps if I made some alterations to her face, she would look more attractive. You guys ready? YOU GUYS READY?
You can thank me later.
This is Tina Turner, number 98.
When people say she's "catty" or like a "lioness", they're not kidding:
Scroll up and compare the lion to Tina Turner, especially the mane. The resemblance is astonishing.
And thusly so, we have reached the moment where everyone has been waiting for. The named "sexiest" girl who ever lived, Jennifer Aniston. And to that, I say fuck you. I hope you all rot in hell with Hitler and Stalin. While I agree she is attractive, Jennifer Aniston is not attractive because she's "pretty" she's attractive because there's nothing wrong with her. She's just a girl -next door. And like JIm said, the only person in the fucking world who actually believes she deserves the title, is her publicist. Don't get me wrong, she deserves a place on the list for sure, but not number 1.
I can only conclude that the staff at Men's Health are either chicks or gays. There is no way a TEAM of straight dudes can ever come to this conclusion. I will now, post a picture of Anne Hathaway to soothe your burning eyes.
So yeah, post a comment and what-not, tell me what you think, tell me who would you have on your top 5 list (actually pretty interested to see what's on girl's top 5 for women) and show some love by sending me a comment! You don't need an account to comment, just plop your name in and you're good to go. Once again, thanks for reading and keep your eyes peeled for more blog posts.