Hello everyone, bored on a Saturday afternoon and I decided to write a blog post about the topic of chicks. Before we get into this, I know how we always make fun of chicks that make a fuss about breaking their nails but I broke a nail for the first time in my life today playing some Michael Hedges on my guitar and it fucking hurt. Like the damn thing just cracked open and blood started coming out. So now I'm confused because I'm not a pussy about these things but this one seriously hurt. To anyone who's ever broken a nail did it hurt as bad as mine?
Alright now that that's out of the way, let's get into it! Today's topic is 5 things guys hate/don't care about in a chick. I feel obliged to talk about this because I see many poor chicks spending hours getting ready, looking good, when really they're not.
Earrings. A little stud is fine, but anything more is either wasted efforts or unattractive. Seriously, I've seen countless chicks wear those fucking hoop earrings and I always ask them why they wear it, and they always reply "it's pretty". It's really not, well, might be pretty to you, but it's not pretty to the sex that you're trying to attract.
Seriously? Who was the genius who decided it would be a good idea to wear bracelets on their ears? I mean, this is TRIBAL ORNAMENTATION. We're not South African Bushmen hunter-gatherers trying to find a mate after a long day hunting fucking ANTELOPES, we're human beings in the 21st fucking century. You can't go wrong with a stud, it looks great and plus, another thing, it doesn't make any noise.
The moment your earring starts clinging and clanging like your mother rustling up kitchen utensils at dinner time, it's time to tone down on the TRIBAL ORNAMENTATION. It's embarrassing to walk into a restaurant with a date that has so many piece of shit hanging earrings that the clatter of it all turns every head in the restaurant when you're walking down the aisle. Seriously, when did it become socially acceptable to start hanging fucking bracelets off your ear? On that note, you may as well hang a miniature shoe or a fucking bra on your ears too. Fuck hoops. Any earring that is big enough for me to stick my cock through (cue small cock asian joke) is a no-go for me. In conclusion, don't burn precious calories, money and time stressing over giant earrings, a simple stud is bold and beautiful.
When was a good good idea for short hair on a chick? Seriously. I love long flowing locks of hair not a grizzled fucking pube patch on my girlfriend's head. No one looks good in short hair, and by short hair, I mean hair as short as the hair pictured on the left. I don't care what race you are, what weight you are or the size of rack, you don't fucking look good in that hair. No chick does.
I was talking about this to a couple of my chick friends and I concluded the only reason chicks tell each other to cut their hair really short is not because they would look "cute", they're secretly thinking "that's one less bitch I gotta compete with". It's so clever, cut the hair, cut the competition.
Seriously, no guy in the history of forever has ever looked at a chick and went "god, she would be so hot if only...she had hair like... DAVID fucking BECKHAM". So if you're a chick, and you're wondering if your hairstyle is too short and bordering onto lesbianism, look no further. I present to thee, VEERA:
Put on a little foundation, eyeliner, eye shadow or whatever the fuck chicks use, but don't fucking cake yourself. I love natural. I'm fine with make-up, and it does look nice on a chick as long as it looks natural. When you start looking like a fucking skittles packet, I'm not into you. I've seen countless chicks who cake their faces with make-up and it's not attractive.
You notice how when chicks always offer to do make-up on each other, it's always over done and looks like shit? Yeah, that's one less bitch she has to compete with. When a chick puts a lot of makeup on, their face looks powdered and artificial and shit.
Second thing, colors. Another thing that pisses me off. Once again, natural is key. I fucking hate all the weird colors on a face, I'm trying to date a woman not a fucking clown. The moment I can start using the colors on your face as a fucking pH color scale, is the moment you become unattractive to me and most guys. Seriously, all this time, effort and money spent on essentially looking like a fucking skittles advertisement? COME ON.
I know I said I was going to do five, but my constant digression makes it really time consuming so I'm going to stop here. If you like these kinds of posts and want me to type up the last two things that guys hate about chicks, let me know in the comments section! As usual, leave a loving comment, don't be afraid if you don't know me, I don't care, I still would love to hear your thoughts on this matter, especially chicks and gay guys. Agree or disagree, know me or don't, post a comment and show some love for this blog. A comment is one of the few ways I know people actually read my blog, so it's really nice when I get one 'cause then I know people actually read this stuff. Thanks for reading!